ただいま·初めまして: これまでの僕と新しい僕と:The self that has lived until now. The new self that will be reborn and live.

ただいま·初めまして:
これまでの僕と新しい僕と:The self that has lived until now. The new self that will be reborn and live.

ただいま·初めまして:
これまでの僕と新しい僕と:これまで生きてきた自分と新しく生まれ変わり生きていくこれから

*この投稿はグロテスクで痛々しい衝撃的な画像を含みます

⚫7月31日木曜日午前中自転車道でｽﾋﾟｰﾄﾞを出して自転車に乗っている際､樹の根っこが持ち上げたｱｽﾌｧﾙﾄの盛り上がった部分に左ﾍﾟﾀﾞﾙが引っ掛かり自転車ごと一回転ﾊﾝﾄﾞﾙも曲がりｱｽﾌｧﾙﾄも削れ自分も地面に打ち付けられながら弾き飛ばされ受け身をとるも勢いが勝り頭も打ち付け顔面も引きずり露出している部分は抉れ､隠れている部分も打撲､車に衝突されたくらいの衝撃でゆっくり立ち上がるも額からﾀﾞﾗﾀﾞﾗと流れ出す血､下を向けばﾎﾞﾀﾎﾞﾀと垂れ流れ近くに居た人が救急車呼びましょうかと言ってくれるも
大丈夫ではなかったけど大丈夫ですと伝え
いただいたﾃｲｯｼｭで額と目蓋から絶え間なく流れる血を押さえながら､自転車に股がるも､車輪も曲がり回転せずﾊﾝﾄﾞﾙも競輪競技のﾊﾝﾄﾞﾙのように左右非対称仕方なく肩に担ぎ周りの視線を浴びながら家に帰り鏡を見ると額がﾊﾟｯｸﾘ割れｽﾞﾚ
目蓋もﾊﾟｯｸﾘ深く割れ取り敢えず血が止まるまで押さえ消毒、簡易的なｶﾞｰｾﾞで押さえｷｽﾞﾊﾟﾜｰﾊﾟｯﾄを買いに薬局へ
その流れで近くにあった整形の病院へ行くもﾁﾗと見るなりあ､血止まってるから大丈夫大丈夫と受付の人達の心配もよそに適当に帰され
歩くのもままならない状態で自分で処置した傷のまま翌日脳神経外科の先生に伝えに行きそのまま形成へ伝えてもらい14針ほど縫い帰宅､手術前に自分で頭割ったｱﾎﾀﾚでした
ただ､樹の根が持ち上げたｱｽﾌｧﾙﾄに引っ掛かるなんて思いもしなかったです皆さん自転車道にも危険なﾄﾗｯﾌﾟはあります気をつけましょう……

⚫8月6日入院の日
朝から落ち着かないもっと余裕で何も怖くなーいと思っていたけれど､家族と離れるのが､今まで傍に当たり前に居た人と離れるのがこんなにも寂しく､恋しくなるなんて思ってもいなかった……これまで逆の立場ばかりでしたが自分がこちら側になるなんて、先生の説明を聴きながら涙を流し鼻をすすりながら堪える隣に寄り添ってくれた家族
離れていく後ろ姿に心惹かれ自分も当たり前の家に帰りたかった夜、窓の外に見えた月
入院部家に着くなり形成の先生方がいらして額と目蓋の縫い傷の抜糸

⚫8月7日木曜日
何度も目覚めた夜
朝､普段は食べない朝ごはんを無理矢理食べ
その後はいくつもある実験､真っ直ぐに歩いたり記憶力を試したり､術後のリハビリの為の検査そして今日は父と弟夫婦が順番に来てくれた
明日はカテーテルの手術·検査､明日から手術へ向けた一歩が始まる……
頑張らねば｡でも家族が来るとついつい自分も当たり前の自由な世界に帰りたくなる
犯罪者でもないのに閉じ込められ外の空気を一切吸えない絶対マスク着用の密室
犯罪者でもないのにまるで牢屋に閉じ込められているようだ……
昔脱走したおばあちゃんの気持ちがすごくわかる……
でも俺は我慢して戦う
家族の笑顔を､世界中から応援してくれる人達の笑顔をもう少し見るために｡

⚫8月8日三日目ｶﾃｰﾃﾙ手術
今日は朝一9時から手術室でｶﾃｰﾃﾙの手術·検査
昨夜は9時以降から食も水分も摂れず朝6時小量の水で薬を飲むと､手術着を纏いｽﾄﾚｯﾁｬｰに乗せられ手術室へ……手術·検査は一時間と少しでしたがその後4時間太いｶﾃｰﾃﾙを脳まで挿入し投影した為､傷口を圧迫し塞ぐのに4時間身動きがとれない状態で過ごさねばならずそれが辛かった……
絶え間なく部屋を訪ねてくる部門ごとの担当医の方々
独りで先生方の話を聴いているとどんどん苦しくなる
手術の事､その後の事､世界が一変してしまうようで正直怖い
あと三日で脳の手術
ふと病室の窓から真っ直ぐ先の景色を見つめる今まで気づかなかったけれど真っ直ぐ先は僕の暮らす家､見慣れた景色だった
その先に家族が居ると思うと安心する……

⚫8月9日入院四日目
窓の外僕の暮らす家のその先､向こう側に見えるﾍﾞｲﾌﾞﾘｯｼﾞやﾗﾝﾄﾞﾏｰｸﾀﾜｰ横浜まで見渡せる背の高い病院､窓際で本当に良かった……
入れ替わりの激しい部屋､4人部屋の隣は看護士さん達に若い先生方にﾀﾒ口で甘えたようなﾅﾙｼｽﾄな喋り方をする気難しそうなおじさん､しょっちゅううぅんうぅんうなり声を発して食事もｸﾁｬｸﾁｬﾍﾟﾁｬﾍﾟﾁｬ音を立て食べ舌打ちばかりしている(苦手)
一番訳がわからなかったのは自分でどﾃﾞｶｲ屁こいて舌打ちした時……
お前の屁や!
対面の方はほとんど動けないのか看護士さん達も本人も大変そうな方
もう一つは僕が入院した翌日退院していった……
他の部屋からは朝大きな歌声で歌を歌い､日中は「離せぇだか外せぇぇ!」だか叫び続けるおじさん……そして気がおかしくなってしまったおばさんの声も聴こえてくる……
この閉鎖された密閉空間にﾏｽｸは､住み慣れた我が家から入院して家族と離れ離れになったお年寄り達にはとても苦しいと思う
せん妄と言う症状になってしまっているのだと思う
少しでも外の空気吸える環境があれば気なんておかしくならいのに……
ｺﾛﾅ以降の環境がこのｱﾙｶﾄﾗｽﾞ島の監獄のような病院環境を作ってしまったのか……
監獄じゃないんだから空と空気ぐらい吸わせてもらいたいものですねと思うまだ元気な自分｡
ｼｮｰｼｬﾝｸの空のように……
空に憧れる大監獄なんて(笑)

⚫8月10日 入院5日目 日曜日
雲が多い朝､病院内もどこか日曜日の空気を纏っているように感じます……早朝はまだ降っていなかった雨､8時前に窓から見下ろした街はもう湿っていて傘を差している人の姿も見えました……雨粒が見えない程の厚いｶﾞﾗｽ窓､霧がかった微かに聴こえる雨の音､工業地帯の煙突は今日も休まず煙を吐き続けています……
今日は掃除のおばさんと仲良くなった(笑)
おばちゃん「退院みたいな格好をしてるな……今日退院?」
自分「まだこれからです」
おばちゃん「そっか大変だね……頑張れ!!」
自分「ありがとうございます!頑張ります」
このやり取り朝から二回目(笑)
確かに退院みたいな格好をしていると思う何故ならﾊﾟｼﾞｬﾏにはﾎﾟｹｯﾄが無い為､起きたら上はﾊﾟｼﾞｬﾏでも下は普段吐いているﾊﾟﾝﾂを履いているから……まだ小さな手術だけで元気で歩き回っているから……
明後日以降はこんな風に居れないと思うけど
またこうして元気良く歩き回れるように､この時の感覚を忘れないように……
ちなみに昨日【和田ﾃｽﾄ】(脳の血管にｶﾃｰﾃﾙを挿入し左右の脳を麻酔で眠らせ意識がある状態でどちらの脳が言語か運動機能かをﾃｽﾄ·検査する)左脳右脳の検査の際どちらかの脳が眠ったらあからさまに症状に出るのだけど僕の場合検査しながらすぐに回復していくらしく少し変わっているのか､生きたい意志なのか死に逆らっていこうと生きようとしていたようです……
そして空いていた斜め向かいに他の部屋からおじいちゃん移ってきました……あちこち回されるのも環境に慣れなくて大変だろうな……

⚫8月11日 6日目 祝日月曜日 明日は手術日
昨日からの雨が降り続いているように感じる空色､12階から見た高い空､目の前を風に運ばれ進む雲が泳ぐ､祝日·山の日の今日､祝日の街の空気とは違い空は忙しそうです……
毎日眠りに着けず浅い眠りで何度も目覚めてしまう夜
明日目が覚めたらもう手術､そして記憶がないまま意識も呼吸も無いまま､人工呼吸のまま一日が一瞬で消えるのかな……ｱｷﾚｽ腱手術より何時間も長い手術時間､未知の世界感覚だから想像も出来ない､生きていますように､何もなく病気だけ消え失せ､目覚めますように……生きたい｡

⚫8月12日 入院一週間 火曜日 手術当日
看護師さんに呼ばれるまま着いていき､歩いて手術室へ……それから手術台にて全身麻酔の準備､だんだん眠くなりますよの声を聴いてから後はもう意識はなく手術が終わったのは手術室へ入ってから約12時間後午後8時半頃
長時間の手術を終えそのままICUへ……

⚫8月13日 ICUから元の12階の病室へ
意識の無いまま過ぎた手術翌日

⚫8月14日
ICUで目覚めた朝自分の状態がわからぬまま
腫れて重たい右目蓋を開き看護師さんの今日は何日だかわかりますか?の声に
翌日だとばかり思っていて13日と答えるも14日ですと……
本日ICUを卒業し部屋へ戻りリハビリを開始するようです
ICUで少し歩行練習をし
そのまま車椅子で元居た12階へ､ただﾗｯｷｰな事に個室に入れて
それから病棟を歩き回りリハビリ､まだ10時間の開頭手術から1日しかたってないのに

⚫8月15日　終戦記念日
今日は朝から歩行訓練とCT検査､その後
MRI造影剤検査の一日でした
見た目は痛々しいけれど既に身体は元気な自分
早く退院したいな……
その後頭に巻いた痛々しい包帯が外され
中の状態が露になる……
ﾎﾁｷｽのような針で50針かそれ以上留められた頭
左額から右こめかみ下､耳の下まで切られﾎﾁｷｽで留められている状態､何ともｸﾞﾛﾃｽｸでﾌﾗﾝｹﾝｼｭﾀｲﾝのような痛々しい見た目
これだけ皮を剥がし頭を開いたのかと改めてその10時間格闘した手術の空気を感じさせられた瞬間でした
その後､記憶のリハビリを行いどれも基準値を上回る成果のようでした
運動神経に麻痺が出ないようｷﾞﾘｷﾞﾘまで戦ってくださった先生方､改めてその10時間にも及ぶ集中力と細かな血管や大切な機能と戦いながらの繊細な手術

手術前から手術後まで、本当に素晴らしく偉大な先生方です。
若い脳外科の先生方も入院当初から、あたたかく優しく素晴らしく、素敵な先生方に巡り合えて心より幸せです。

ほんとうに感謝しかありません
手術後も何の感覚も狂わないまま元通りの感覚で目覚められたこと幸せに感じております
今日は色々と検査リハビリと連れ回されて疲れたのか､火垂るの墓を見ようと思っていたけれど薬を飲んで､痛み止のﾛｷｿﾆﾝを飲んだらもう夢の中気づいたら2時でした……
入院生活退屈さを経験するのはこれで二度目ですが外の空気を吸えた依然と比べやはり外の空気を吸えないだけで､そんなにも違うかと思うくらい辛いです
少しでも窓開けられて外の空気感じられたらそれだけで全然違うんだろうな……
コロナ以降病院の対策も厳重になり入院中の方々もより苦しい入院生活を送られているんだなと改めて感じた子の入院期間です……

⚫8月16日
今朝先生がいつものように朝の様子を伺いに顔を出すと
摘出した腫瘍は現在検査機関で検査中で来週にも結果がわかり､その後急いで次の治療と言うことはない予定なのでもしかしたら来週にも退院出来るかもしれないとの事でした!
それは嬉しい報告ですが､今の見た目からしてまるでスター・ウォーズに登場する赤い敵ダースモールのようで､退院なんて程遠いと思うような見た目なので先生の声を聞いて疑ってしまいました
次はホチキスを抜鉤してまた一歩を感じられるかな……
日々一歩一歩退院に向け日常へ向け進んでいます
頑張れ自分｡タイでのお仕事も決まっていただけに残念だけどまた来年も呼んでもらえるように今年行くメンバーが格好良く決めてきてくれることと思います
自分は退院してすぐ動ける訳じゃなく暫くは大変と思いますが皆さんそれ以降もあたたかくお見守りくださいませ……
土日はリハビリがお休みで物凄く暇なのです
これまでこんなにものんびり過ごしてこなかったのでこの日々が退屈過ぎて苦しかったです
こうして強制的に止められなければ止まれないほどの日々を過ごしていたんだなと改めて感じている入院期間
今日で手術から6日目入院から12日目､入院から手術まであっという間でしたが
こうして変わらない感覚で目覚め生きている今に感謝です……

⚫8月17日日曜日
消えない地味に続く切った部分のｽﾞｷｽﾞｷする痛み
咳をすれば内側が疼き何もない時は外側がずっとｽﾞｷｽﾞｷと疼く
さすがに眠れず痛み止の薬をいただくと一瞬で眠りに着けました
とは言え入院以降熟睡できたためしはなく､ﾍﾞｯﾄﾞ生活で腰痛も蓄積され身体へのﾀﾞﾒｰｼﾞが頭だけではなく地味に増えつつある日曜日の朝
今朝も6:00に照明が点き一日が始まる
相変わらず腫れた顔と真っ赤な目、中々良くならない開頭手術後の顔の腫れｺﾞﾑのような違和感のある感覚の皮膚

⚫8月18日月曜日
入院して二度目の新しい一週間の始まり
先週は祝日から始まり翌日は大手術
手術開け一度目の月曜日､入院してから13日目
今朝も目覚め鏡に写るのは左顔が､頬が腫れた目の真っ赤な枝豆みたいな顔の形をしたﾎﾁｷｽの縫い目が露になっている悪魔のような顔をした自分の姿、そんな姿にため息が出る……
今朝はずっとｽﾞｷｽﾞｷと傷が疼き頭痛がしもう二度と眠りにつけないと思い､思いきってシャワーを浴び額の傷を清潔にそして目蓋の裏を暖めてあげようとあたたかなシャワーを浴びたまだ辺りの暗い午前
シャワーを浴び目蓋の上に今度は冷たい布をあて少し横になる
するとすぐに明かりが点き点灯時間
そして今日は朝食後血液検査とCT検査が予定されており
そのまま検査そしてその後運動系のリハビリから記憶力のリハビリを経て
午後は通院がてら父と母が病室を訪ねてきました……
縫い目の露になった痛々しい自分の見た目ですがそれほどの驚きもなく少し会話をし帰っていきました
見送る歩の見た目の方が重傷っぽくおかしな光景に人々の痛々しい視線が僕の頭のﾎﾁｷｽへ吸い寄せられているようでした……
はやくﾎﾁｷｽも取れたらｽｯｷﾘするんだろうけど
抜鉤(ばっこう)はいつかな……ﾎﾞﾘﾎﾞﾘ頭かきたいけど今は絶対出来ないしｼｬﾝﾌﾟｰも思い切りできないから歯がゆいな……
まぁ一歩一歩明日へ進みましょう｡

⚫8月19日､痛み止めのお陰でゆっくり休めた夜､今朝は主治医の先生の後に部屋を訊ねてきた若い先生､開頭手術の傷口を留めていたﾎﾁｷｽを後で外すと顔を出し伝えてくれました……
糸の抜糸とどう違うのかﾄﾞｷﾄﾞｷしていましたが
爪切りで爪を切るように頭を留めているﾎﾁｷｽの針をﾊﾟﾁﾊﾟﾁと切り外していってくれます……
僕の感覚で糸と違い少しﾋﾟﾘﾋﾟﾘとした痛みを感じた気がしました
入院直後にも額と目蓋の抜糸を経験していたのですが､ﾎﾁｷｽの方が嫌な感じでした(笑)
何はともあれ､また一歩進み抜杭(ばっこう)しておただいた朝
少しｽｯｷﾘした気持ちになりました
傷口も綺麗でちゃんと塞がっているとの事､安心しました……
その後は運動系のリハビリへ……
また一歩進んだ今日､毎日進歩を感じられると心も落ち着きますね……
本当に先生のおっしゃる通り今週には退院出来るのだろうか……
外の空気を感じ､「暑いぃ!!」とか久しぶりに言ってみたいな(笑)入院から二週間目の今日
TVから流れる外の情報､外の世界は今日も厳しい暑さのようです……
院内は今日も涼しくそれで退屈です……
ですが無理できない今､日々のリハビリや課題をひとつ目標を一歩一歩クリアし未来を繋げて行くための準備中
しかし退院しても勿論脳の手術の為､車の運転は勿論の事、暫くの間は自転車も禁止との診断
それから通院は暫くあちこちの病院へと続きそうですが
薬は永久に飲み続けることとなるようなお話しを先生にお聞きしたので､病気とは今後延々に付き合い続けつつ生きて行かねばです
でも､生きてるでけ幸せを噛み締めなきゃです。
それだけの手術をし生きている今
感謝です。
これからも負けねぇ。一生､俺。生きる。

⚫8月20日水曜日入院から15日目手術から8日が経ちました
そして朝主治医の先生が次の診察予定と退院の日付をお教えくださいました……
なんと日曜日には退院出来そうです……
もう外の世界の暑さをすっかり忘れてしまっていますが
またゆっくり身体を慣らし感覚を慣らし
外の世界の感覚を取り戻して行けたらと思いました!
今日も朝から運動のﾘﾊﾋﾞﾘそしてその後記憶のﾘﾊﾋﾞﾘ､何もない日々の中､日常生活復帰へ向けた僅かな運動と､記憶の訓練はとても為になります……
午後もまた記憶のﾘﾊﾋﾞﾘ手術以前よりも僅かに鈍ってしまったり劣ってしまっ脳の働きを取り戻したり感覚を、思い出させたり
瞬発せいを取り戻したり､感覚を思い出させたり､普段出来ていた瞬時の判断が術後は鈍ってしまうのか､だから車あバイク自転車の運転は主治医の先生と､ﾘﾊﾋﾞﾘｴｷｽﾊﾟｰﾄの方々のOKが出るまでは禁止……
入院前ですら額と目蓋を14針縫い全身打撲に手足の深い傷と瞬時の判断が出来ても回避するので精一杯だったので､今の状態で同じ瞬間に出くわしたら､手術した頭の傷もﾊﾟｯｸﾘ開くほど大ケガになってしまうのだろうな……
兎に角自転車で風を感じる時間は暫くは無理
ゆっくり歩き風を、外の世界の空気感覚を改めて取り戻していけたらなと思います……
通院しながらこれからも脳腫瘍と戦い続けます
これまでのように行かないこともあるかと思いますが
ゆっくりでも自分の脳と向き合い､また風を送れたらと思っております｡
しばらくは大きな気持ちで見守っていてください……

⚫8月21日(木曜日)
未だに頭は自分の頭じゃないような麻酔がかかったままのようなゴムのような感覚
鏡にうつる姿､顔はだいぶ腫れが引きはしたものの目の玉の充血は変わらず悪魔のような赤い瞳､額もﾎﾞｺﾎﾞｺと異物感、頭蓋骨と皮の間なのか頭蓋骨と脳の間なのか中に張り付き防止のフィルムも貼ってあるようで違和感は変わらず
不思議場感覚感触は残っています
頭痛も寝る前､朝と日々続いています……
そりゃﾌﾗﾝｹﾝｼｭﾀｲﾝくらい頭切って､頭蓋骨開いて脳みそほじくり出しているわけですもんね……
何の痛みもないわけ無いですよね……
でも､脳神経外科の先生方の勿論麻酔の先生方も周りをｻﾎﾟｰﾄする先生方､看護師の方々も､何十名もの方々で10時間かかった手術
本当にたった一つの脳の腫瘍を数十名で手術する様子
自分も生で見てみたいななんて……
凄いことが行われ､自分はそんな皆段に救われた……
先生いわく､腫瘍の解析が済み､神経膠腫の中でも比較的進行が遅いﾀｲﾌﾟの腫瘍らしく
通院で診てその都度治療していく以外今のとこ急ぎで治療するものがないらしいです
なのでｸﾞﾚｰﾄﾞ4は数ヵ月ｸﾞﾚｰﾄﾞ３は数年から5年､ｸﾞﾚｰﾄﾞ2はと色々と目に入ってくる嫌な情報はあったけれど、まだすぐ死ぬこともなくもう少し余裕をもって生きられそうです
だから､まだまだ生きるので
風を届けるので
生きている限り感じてください
皆さんのあたたかな声に支えられ未知の敵との壮絶な戦い一旦勝つことができました
まだまだしぶとく戦い続きますが
俺､負けないので
これからもよろしくお願いします

⚫8月22日(金曜日)
今朝も先生達が病室をまわって来ました
指三本も口が開かない症例が有るとの事､
自分も先生方が帰った後挑戦してみたら口が全然開かない……指三本で頭が痛くなり顎が外れそうなほど痛い……
脳の影響が口の開きにも……
改めて心臓も脳みそも人間には不可欠で重要で大切な一部
そんな大切な脳みそがどういう原因で腫瘍が出来てしまったのか､その原因究明はまだのようですが予防できるなら皆したいですよね!
病気との戦い､自分はずっと薬は飲み続けなければならないので､戦いはきっと死ぬまで続くのでしょうが､この大きな手術を乗り越えられたので、もう大丈夫な気がします
今夜も消灯前にシャワーを浴び痛み止めを飲み布団へ……目覚めは1時前､その後3時前最近このパターン目が覚めます､そしてまた復活した頭痛と向き合い眠れぬまま朝を迎える……
そして6時に電気点き、7時に朝御飯が運ばれ
一日が始まります
この規則正しすぎるくらいの入院生活がまたどう元へ戻っていくのか……

⚫8月23日(土曜日)
早く目覚めた朝､ｽﾞｷｽﾞｷｽﾞｷｽﾞｷ頭痛がする
落ち着かず部屋から出てデイルームで朝陽を見つめ､そのまま一階のセブンイレブンまで小銭を握り向かう
別に何が欲しいわけでもなく､頭痛にじっとしていられず……
結局お煎餅を買いまた部屋に戻る
途中僕一つ下の学年の息子がいる掃除のおばちゃんと元気良く挨拶!
入院当初から仲良くなり手術後も笑顔をくれたおばちゃん
明日退院だと伝えると頑張れよとﾊｲﾀｯﾁとﾊｸﾞ
ずっと元気をくれたおばちゃんの笑顔と明るい性格!
この病院の看護師の皆さんもﾘﾊﾋﾞﾘの皆さんも掃除のおばちゃんも､入り口のおじさんも､そして先生方も、若い先生方もみんななんあたたかくて本当に救われました
明日待ちに待った退院……
もう二度と手術なんてしたくないけど
命を繋いでくれた病院のみなさん､そして声を届けてくれたみなさん､世界中のみなさん
一歩繋ぐことが出来ました
本当にありがとうございました

病気の影響､開頭手術の影響で
色々なことを早急にするのは禁止
焦って動事は出来ず､ゆっくり進んで行かねばなので､違和感など抱かせてしまうかもですが
遅くても一歩一歩進んで参りますので
これからもよろしくお願いし

これからも負けね生きるから

皆さんもあたたかく生きて行きましょう｡大切にしてください

⚫8月24日日曜日
昨夜もまた0時頃そして2時から４時と何度も目覚め迎えた退院当日の朝
荷物は既に纏めておりいつでも病院を去れる状態
朝先生が顔を覗かせ今後の病気との向き合いかた病気の種類そして10年以内にもしかしたら再度手術の可能性があることを聞く……
その際は目覚めている状態で手術をする覚醒術らしい……
何だか怖いけど､この先何年も付き合っていくなかで色々な経験をすることになるだろうけど､それでもまた生きたいと思える未来をこれから先も一歩ずつ築いていけたらと思っております……
先生や看護師さん方にご挨拶をさせていただき
病院から出た瞬間感じた外の空気､そして陽の光､当たり前じゃなかったこの空気と陽射しとずっと待ち望んだ外の暑さが
気持ちいいとと感じた瞬間でした
入院からカテーテル手術､そして12時間近くにも及んだ大手術､手術後のﾘﾊﾋﾞﾘの日々
約3週間の入院期間､命を未来へ繋いだこの夏
どうなるかわからない未知の経験
だから怖かった終わった後どうなっているのか意識や感覚はあるのか､声は出せるのか目は見えるのか
色々な恐怖かすぐそこにある脳の手術
大勢の人々が関わった大手術
命を繋いでくださり本当にありがとうございました!!
この命大切にしていきます……
これからも

生きます
生きる｡

帰ってから同じ病気と戦い中学三年生の頃亡くなってしまった友達の神社へ
報告へ……

リベンジをしたよと報告へ……
俺はまだこの先何年もこの病気と戦い続けなければなりませんが
この先も「負けない」と見守っていて欲しいと
一緒に戦い続けて欲しいと……
そして大きな一歩を乗り越えたお礼を
「ありがとう」と……

皆さんのあたたかな声､子供達の声､専門学校出出逢った先輩や後輩同級生達の声､仲間の声
みんなに支えられ乗り越えられた一歩

一生にこんなことは二度とない大きな戦い
繋がった大きな一歩､本当に本当にありがとうございました。

繋げてもらった命
大切に歩んで生きます

⚫8月25日新しい月曜日
退院翌日､主治医の先生から預かった手紙とデータを手に､最初にMRI検査をしていただいたクリニックへ朝から電車を乗り継ぎ向かいました
まだ身体も感覚も完全には戻らないなか
人に酔いそうになりながら乗り物にもまだ身体が慣れない不思議な感覚のまま向かいました

外の空気緑蝉の鳴き声､久々に感じた音や景色や空気がまだ感覚として戻らない開頭手術後の身体·頭·感覚

12時間もの手術と麻酔と人工呼吸機で生かされていた時間のせいか､色々な事がまだ元どおりとはいかず

感覚が戻らない部分もあったり､痙攣や麻痺などは無いものの､自分が完全な元のような自分ではないような感覚を抱えての外の世界

目まぐるしく移り変わる目の前の世界が景色が違和感に感じたり色々な事がこれまでとは違うスピードに感じ

まだ少しずつ身体も頭も感覚も元近づけていかねばならなかったり
人混みはまだすぐには行かないようにだったり乗り物にも気を付けなければだったり
車の運転も自転車の運転も禁止の状態

少しずつ日常に身体も感覚も脳も慣れさせながら一歩づつ日常を取り戻していかねば……

なので､これまでのように声を交わしたりなど難しい場面も暫くは続くかもですが
自分も暫く自分と脳と身体と向き合い生きてゆきますので

色々な場面で､違和感を覚えることもあるかもですが

脳の病気特有の感覚
今の自分と向き合っている中ですのでご理解いただけますと幸いです

しかしながら手術入院費もあったため､またすぐにでも働かねば……
どうかこれまでよりも遅いペースになってしまいますが

また風を創りお贈りしますので
新しい自分の脳みそで戦う創る風をまた感じていただけますと嬉しく思います

これからも新しい自分の感覚と共に生きる創る世界を風を感じてください……

⚫8月26日火曜日退院二日後
今日は自分なりのリハビリと日常への一歩を組み立てていこうと動いてみた一日でした
本来なら明日からタイへ飛行機で飛び立ち日本博のステージでLIVEをする予定でした……
本当に行きたかったメンバーとまたパフォーマンスを疲労したかた……行けないにしろ､お客さんとしてWORLDORDERのパフォーマンスを見てみたいけど､アキレス腱の時のLIVEのように悔しい気持ちが溢れてしまうのだろうな……
あの時袖から見たWORLDORDERは格好良かった……
また少しずつ一歩づつ日常に復帰し社会復帰し新しい自分の脳みそで感覚で生きていかねばなので焦らず一歩一歩未来を紡ぎ生きていきますので
「髙」の公演もOrange PlanetもWORLDORDERも見守っていてください……
必ず新しい僕がそこには居ます……

脳の病気ゆえの色々な感覚の違い今の脳みそで新しい自分を支えて行かねば
自分を見つめ向き合い生きて生きます。

優しい風を繋ぎ届けます

長い目で見守りこれからも僕の心の支えでいてください……

これまでも､ありがとうございました
これからも､よろしくお願いします
ずっと､ありがとうございます

生きよう。

暫くは自分のペースで急げないもので､ゆっくりな更新になりますが更新出来るときにブログ投稿させていただきますので､メンバーブログ再開までは今暫くお待ちくださいませ……

改めてこれからも）ACT「髙」並びにART
 「髙」Orange Planetをよろしくお願いします!

ただいま·初めまして:
これまでの僕と新しい僕と:The self that has lived until now. The new self that will be reborn and live.

⚫ On Thursday, July 31st, while riding a bicycle, I took a speed on the bike path and got a bike on the raised part of the aspheric lifted by the root of the tree, and the left pit got caught in the raised part of the aspheric lifted by the root of the tree, and the aspheric turned, and was shattered, and I was hit against the ground and was knocked over, and I was able to take passive action, but the head and face were dragged down, and the exposed part was groveled, and the hidden part was bruised, and the blood started flowing from my forehead. When I pointed it down, I was slugged and drooped, and the flow of people nearby said to call an ambulance.
 It wasn’t ok but I told her it was ok
 With the teasing I received, I held down the constant flowing blood from my forehead and eyelid, and the legs were raised on my bicycle, and the wheels were bent and the wheels were not spinning, so the armrests were asymmetrical like the armrests of a cycling race, and when I went home, I looked at the mirror, my forehead was cracked and cracked.
 The eyelid was also cracked deeply, so I pressed and disinfected until the blood stopped, and then went to the pharmacy to buy a pressing power pad with a simple gun.
 As a result, I went to a nearby plastic surgery hospital, but as soon as I saw it, I was told that the blood had stopped so the receptionist was fine, so I was worried that it was okay, but the receptionists were all at once.
 I couldn’t even walk, so I had treated the wound myself, so the next day I went to the neurosurgeon and told him I was able to tell him straight to the plaster and then I got home about 14 stitches, and before the surgery I had broken my head myself.
 However, I never thought I’d get caught in the aspherical lifted by the tree roots. Everyone has dangerous traps on the bike path, so be careful…

 ⚫August 6th day of hospitalization
 I had no idea that I would be more relaxed in the morning and not be scared of anything, but I had never thought I would be so lonely and missed when I was leaving my family, or the people I had been around for, until now… I had shed tears and sniffed as I listened to the teacher’s explanation, and the family snuggled up next to me.
 I was drawn to the back of my body and wanted to go home, which I was the norm, and I saw the moon outside the window at night
 When I arrived at the hospital’s house, the doctor came to visit me and I was able to remove the stitches on my forehead and eyelid.

 ⚫Thursday, August 7th
 The night I woke up many times
 In the morning, I force myself to eat a breakfast I don’t usually eat
 After that, there were many experiments, walking straight, testing my memory, and examining postoperative rehabilitation, and my father and younger brother and his wife came in their turn today.
 Tomorrow is catheter surgery and examination, and tomorrow will mark the start of the first step towards surgery…
 I have to work hard, but when my family comes, I can’t help but want to go back to a free world that is commonplace.
 Even though he is not a criminal, he is trapped and cannot breathe any air outside, so he is absolutely wearing a mask.
 He’s not a criminal, but he’s almost trapped in a prison…
 I really understand the feelings of a grandma who escaped a long time ago…
 But I’ll endure and fight
 To see more smiles from people who support my family from all over the world.

 ⚫Category surgery on the third day of August 8th
 Today we will be doing catering surgery and examinations in the operating room from 19am.
 Last night, after 9am, I couldn’t drink food or water, so I took a small amount of water at 6am, and put on a surgical suit and put on a strainer and went to the operating room… The surgery and examination took just over an hour, but after that, I inserted a thick caterer into my brain and projected it, so I had to spend four hours in a state of inability to move to compress and block the wound, which was painful…
 The doctors in each department constantly visit their rooms.
 Listening to the teachers alone makes me feel more and more painful
 To be honest, it seems like the world will change completely, and it’s scary.
 Brain surgery in three more days
 I suddenly stared at the view straight from the window in my hospital room, but I had never noticed it before, but the straight ahead was the house where I live, the familiar view.
 It’s reassuring to think that my family will be there ahead…

 ⚫August 9th day of hospitalization
 Outside the window, beyond the house where I live, I was really happy to see the tall hospital, which can be seen across from the Balibery and Landmark Tower, Yokohama, and the windowsill.
 The room is swapped and next to the quadruple room is a difficult man who speaks in a way that is pamperingly silly, like nurses, young doctors, and often groans, making loud noises and squeals when he eats, clicks his tongue (not good at it)
 The thing I didn’t understand most was when I farted and clicked my tongue…
 Your fart!
 People who are in the same position are hardly able to move, and it seems like it’s difficult for both the nurses and the person themselves.
 The other thing is that I was discharged the day after I was hospitalized…
 The other room sings loudly in the morning, and during the day, the old man keeps screaming “Let me go, take it off!”…and I can hear the voice of an old man who has gone crazy…
 I think that masks in this closed, enclosed space will be very painful for the elderly who have been hospitalized from our familiar home and separated from their families.
 I think it’s a symptom called delirium
 If there was an environment where you could breathe the air outside, I wouldn’t be bothered…
 I wonder if the environment since the COVID-19 pandemic has created a hospital environment similar to that of a prison on Alcatraz Island…
 I’m still in good health because I’m not a prison, so I want them to breathe in the air and air.
 Like the sky in a showchang…
 A big prison that admires the sky (lol)

 ⚫August 10th, 5th day of hospitalization Sunday
 On a cloudy morning, it feels like the hospital is covered in the air that is Sunday… It hadn’t fallen in the early morning yet, and when I looked down from the window before 8am, the city was already damp and I could see people holding umbrellas… Glass windows that were thick enough to see raindrops, faint fog sound, and chimneys in the industrial area continue to vent smoke without a break…
 Today I became friends with the cleaning lady lol
 Auntie: “You’re dressed like you’re leaving the hospital… Are you leaving the hospital today?”
 Me: “It’s still just about to come”
 Auntie: “I see, that’s tough… do your best!”
 I said, “Thank you! I’ll do my best.”
 This is the second time since the morning (lol)
 I think he’s certainly dressed like a discharge from the hospital because Pajama doesn’t have a pocket, so when he wakes up he wears the top and the bottom he usually vomits… but he’s still walking around in good health after only a small surgery…
 I don’t think I’ll be able to stay like this after tomorrow
 I hope to be able to walk around in this vibrant manner again, so that I don’t forget the feeling of this moment…
 By the way, yesterday [Wada Test] (Categories are inserted into the blood vessels of the brain, and left and right brains are sleepy under anesthesia and are conscious, and tested and tested which brain is language or motor function) When the left and right brain is tested for either brain when one of the brains sleeps, symptoms are obvious, but in my case it seems that they will recover quickly while examining it, and it seems that they are trying to live a little differently, or they are willing to live to resist death…
 And my grandpa moved from another room diagonally across from the vacant… It must be difficult to be able to get around and get used to the environment…

 ⚫August 11th Day 6th Public Holiday Monday Tomorrow is surgery day
 The sky blue seems to have been raining since yesterday, the high sky seen from the 12th floor, the clouds carried by the wind swim in front of us, and unlike the atmosphere of the city on holidays and on the public holidays, the sky seems busy…
 Every day, I wake up many times in a light sleep and not in a light sleep
 When I wake up tomorrow, I have surgery, and without any memory, I have no consciousness or breathing, and I wonder if the day will disappear in an instant with artificial respiration… It’s a long time longer than the achrystal tendon surgery, and it’s an unknown sense of the world, so I can’t imagine it. Just like I’m alive, I can only disappear without anything, and I hope I wake up… I want to live.

 ⚫August 12th, one week of hospitalization Tuesday, the day of surgery
 I arrived as the nurse called me, walked to the operating room…and then I was ready for general anesthesia on the operating table, and after hearing the voices that I was gradually getting sleepy, I was no longer aware of it, and the surgery was finished about 8:30pm, about 12 hours after I entered the operating room.
 After a long operation, I went straight to the ICU…

 ⚫August 13th: From ICU to the original 12th floor hospital room
 The day after surgery, which was overwhelmed by consciousness

 ⚫August 14th
 I woke up in the ICU and didn’t know what I was in
 Opened the swelling and heavy right eye lid, and the nurse asked, “Do you know what day it is today?”
 I thought it would be the next day, but I answered that it was the 13th, but that was the 14th…
 He will graduate from ICU today and return to his room and begin rehabilitation.
 I did some walking practice in the ICU
 I went straight to the 12th floor where I used to be in a wheelchair, and just put it in a private room.
 Then I walked around the ward and rehabilitated, and it’s only been a day since the 10-hour craniotomy surgery.

 ⚫August 15th: End of War Day
 Today we started walking training and CT scans starting in the morning, and then
 It was a day of MRI contrast testing
 I look so painful, but I’m already healthy
 I want to be discharged from the hospital soon…
 The painful bandages wrapped around her head were removed
 The inside is exposed…
 A head with a 50 or more stitched needle with a slit-like needle
 It is cut from the left forehead to the right below the temple and under the ear and fastened with a snug fit, and has a very painful look like a fragrant tine.
 It was the moment when I was able to feel the atmosphere of the surgery after 10 hours of fighting, wondering if he had just peeled off the skin and opened his head.
 After that, I rehabilitated my memory and all of them seemed to exceed the standard values.
 The doctors who fought hard enough to prevent paralysis in the motor nerves, and once again, they have had a delicate surgery while fighting over the 10-hour concentration, small blood vessels and important functions.
 I’m truly grateful

 I feel happy that I was awakened with the feeling I had returned to normal, without any sense of feeling after the surgery.
 Today, I was tired after being taken around to undergo various tests and rehabilitation sessions, so I was thinking of looking at the Fireflies grave, but after taking medicine and taking pain relief, I had already noticed it was 2 o’clock in my dream…
 This is the second time I’ve experienced boredom in hospital, but compared to when I was able to breathe the air outside, it’s just that I can’t breathe the air outside, which makes me so painful that I think it’s so different.
 If you could open the window and feel the atmosphere outside, that’s completely different…
 Since the COVID-19 pandemic, the hospital’s measures have been stricter and the number of people who are hospitalised has been living a more difficult life in the hospital, and this is the length of hospitalization for the child…

 ⚫August 16th
 This morning, the teacher came to see me to check on the morning as usual
 The tumor was currently being tested at a laboratory and the results were found next week, and there will be no future treatment after that, so it is said that he may be able to be discharged next week!
 That’s a nice report, but now he looks like the red enemy Darth Maul from Star Wars, and it looks like he’s far from being discharged from the hospital, so I was suspicious when I heard the doctor’s voice.
 Next time I’ll pull out the stapler and feel another step…
 I am moving towards my daily life step by step, towards being discharged from the hospital
 Do your best. It’s a shame that I’ve decided on my job in Thailand, but I think the members who will go to this year will be cool so that they can be invited again next year.
 I’m not going to be able to move right away after being discharged from the hospital, so it’s going to be a challenge for a while, but please continue to watch over me after that…
 Rehabilitation is closed on weekends, so I’m extremely bored
 I’ve never been so relaxed before, so these days were so boring and painful
 I once again felt that I had spent so many days that I couldn’t stop if I hadn’t been forced to stop like this.
 Today was the 6th day after the surgery and the 12th day after the hospitalization, and it took a quick break from hospitalization to surgery.
 I am grateful for the present, awakening and living with such a constant feeling…

⚫Sunday, August 17th
 The pain of the stinging pain in the cut part that continues to disappear, which continues to be quite plainly
 If you cough, the inside will tingle and when nothing is left, the outside will tingle and tingle.
 I couldn’t sleep and took some pain relief medicine and ended up falling asleep in an instant.
 However, I have not been able to sleep well since I was hospitalized, and I have accumulated lower back pain during my bedtime, and the damage to my body is increasing not only on my head but also on Sunday mornings.
 The lights were on at 6am this morning and the day began
 As usual, the swelling face and bright red eyes, and the skin with a discomfort that feels like swelling and rubbing on the face after craniotomy surgery, which is not improving.

 ⚫Monday, August 18th
 The start of a new week after being hospitalized
 Last week was a national holiday and the next day it was a major surgery.
 The first Monday of the surgery, 13th day since I was hospitalized
 This morning, I woke up again in the mirror and saw myself wearing my left face, a demonic face with a shaped like a red edamame-like face with swollen cheeks and eyes, and the seams of the sashes exposed. I sighed at the sight…
 This morning, the wounds were tingling and I had a headache, and I thought I would never fall asleep again, so I took a shower and took a warm shower to clean the wounds on my forehead and warm the back of my eyelid, but it was still a dark morning
 Take a shower and lie down a little by applying a cold cloth to the lid.
 The light will turn on immediately and the light will start to light
 And today we are planning a blood test and a CT scan after breakfast.
 The test was conducted as is, and then the rehabilitation of the exercise system and memory rehabilitation.
 In the afternoon, my mother and father visited the hospital room while visiting the hospital…
 I looked painfully exposed in the seams, but I was not so surprised, and then we talked a little before heading home.
 Ayumu looked more serious and strange, as he saw him off, it seemed like people were sucking into the slurred gazes on my head…
 I’ll probably get some more if I get some hot chick soon
 I wonder when it’s time to pull out the hook… I want to scratch my head, but I can’t do it now and I can’t do it as much as I can, so I’m frustrated…
 Well, let’s take a step at a time to tomorrow.

 ⚫ On August 19th, I was able to rest comfortably thanks to painkillers, but this morning, after my doctor, I asked about my room, and when I later removed the wound from the craniotomy, he showed me my face…
 I was really nervous about how it was different from removing the thread
 It cuts off the needle of the slurping needle that holds the head in place like a nail clipper cutting…
 I felt a little creasing pain in my senses, unlike the thread.
 I had been experiencing the forehead and eyelid stitches removed right after I was hospitalized, but I found the Hochikiss to be more unpleasant (lol)
 Anyway, I went one step further and put the stake out again.
 I felt a little bit more refined
 The wound is also clean and it’s well sealed, so I’m relieved…
 After that, I went to rehabilitation for the athletics…
 Today, once again, I’ve taken a step further, and when I feel progress every day, it calms my mind…
 I wonder if he will be able to be discharged this week, just as the doctor said…
 I felt the outside atmosphere and wanted to say “It’s hot!!” for the first time in a while (lol) Today is the second week since I was hospitalized.
 Information on the outside is played on TV, and the outside world seems to be incredibly hot today…
 The clinic is cool again today and it’s boring…
 However, now that we can’t push ourselves too hard, we are currently preparing to clear our daily rehabilitation and challenges step by step to clear our goals and connect our future.
 However, even after being discharged from the hospital, it is diagnosed that the brain surgery will not only be required, but also driving a car, and bicycles will be prohibited for a while.
 I’ll probably continue to visit various hospitals for a while.
 I heard from the doctor that I would be taking medicine forever, so I have to continue to live with my illness forever and continue to live.
 But I have to be alive and be happy.
 I’m living with just that surgery
 Thank you very much.
 I will never lose.  Forever my life.  live.

 ⚫It has been 15 days since I was hospitalized on Wednesday, August 20th, and 8 days have passed since the surgery.
 And in the morning, my doctor told me what was my next appointment and the date of my discharge…
 I think I’ll be discharged on Sunday…
 I’ve completely forgotten about the heat of the outside world
 Also slowly get used to the body and get used to the feeling
 I wish I could regain my sense of the outside world!
 I’ve been exercising again this morning, and then I’ve been releasing my memory since then, and in my days of nothing, I’ve been exercising a little bit of exercise to return to my daily life, and my memory training is very useful…
 In the afternoon, I’ve also been slightly dulled or inferior to before the surgery, regaining my brain’s function and reminding me of my senses.
 Maybe they can recover their explosive breach, remind them of their senses, and the instantaneous decisions that they normally make will slow down after surgery, so driving a car or motorcycle is prohibited until the attending doctor and those with a rehabilitation extraction part are OK…
 Even before hospitalization, I was able to avoid the 14 stitches of my forehead and eyelid, which allowed me to instantly determine a bruise on my whole body and deep wounds on my hands and feet, so I was able to avoid it, so if I encountered it at the same moment in my current condition, I’m sure the wound on my head that had been surgically cut open, so I think…
 In any case, it’s not possible to feel the wind on a bicycle for a while.
 I hope to walk slowly and regain the air sensation of the outside world…
 I will continue to fight brain tumors while visiting the hospital
 I think it may not go as I have done in the past
 I hope to be able to face my brain slowly and send air again.
 Please watch over me with a big heart for a while…

⚫It has been 15 days since I was hospitalized on Wednesday, August 20th, and 8 days have passed since the surgery.
 And in the morning, my doctor told me what was my next appointment and the date of my discharge…
 I think I’ll be discharged on Sunday…
 I’ve completely forgotten about the heat of the outside world
 Also slowly get used to the body and get used to the feeling
 I wish I could regain my sense of the outside world!
 I’ve been exercising again this morning, and then I’ve been releasing my memory since then, and in my days of nothing, I’ve been exercising a little bit of exercise to return to my daily life, and my memory training is very useful…
 In the afternoon, I’ve also been slightly dulled or inferior to before the surgery, regaining my brain’s function and reminding me of my senses.
 Maybe they can recover their explosive breach, remind them of their senses, and the instantaneous decisions that they normally make will slow down after surgery, so driving a car or motorcycle is prohibited until the attending doctor and those with a rehabilitation extraction part are OK…
 Even before hospitalization, I was able to avoid the 14 stitches of my forehead and eyelid, which allowed me to instantly determine a bruise on my whole body and deep wounds on my hands and feet, so I was able to avoid it, so if I encountered it at the same moment in my current condition, I’m sure the wound on my head that had been surgically cut open, so I think…
 In any case, it’s not possible to feel the wind on a bicycle for a while.
 I hope to walk slowly and regain the air sensation of the outside world…
 I will continue to fight brain tumors while visiting the hospital
 I think it may not go as I have done in the past
 I hope to be able to face my brain slowly and send air again.
 Please watch over me with a big heart for a while…

 ⚫ Thursday, August 21st
 My head still feels like a rubber band, like anesthesia, not my own.
 He appears to be smeared in the mirror, although his face is rather swollen, but his eyeballs still have red eyes that look like devilish, and his forehead also has a sloppy, foreign body feel, and whether it is between the skull and skin or between the skull and brain, there is a film to prevent it from sticking, so the feeling of discomfort remains the same.
 The feeling of the mysterious area remains
 My headaches continue every day, before going to bed, in the morning…
 Of course, he cuts his head like a francensu, opens his skull and digs his brain out…
 There’s no way there’s no way there’s no way there’s no way there…
 However, it took ten hours for surgery with dozens of people, including neurosurgery, anesthesia doctors, and nurses who support others.
 A truly one brain tumor is surgically surgically performed by dozens of people
 I want to see it live too…
 Something amazing has been done, and I was saved by everyone like that…
 According to the doctor, the tumor has been analyzed and is a type of tumor that is relatively slow to progress even among gliomas.
 Apparently there is no urgent treatment available, except to go to the hospital and treat each time.
 So, there were a lot of unpleasant information that I’ve seen, such as Grade 4 for a few months, Grade 3 for a few years, Grade 2 for a few years, but I don’t die right away and I think I can live with a little more time.
 So I’m still living
 Because it delivers wind
 Feel as long as you live
 Supported by everyone’s warm voices, I was able to win a fierce battle with an unknown enemy for a moment.
 There will still be a steady battle
 I won’t lose
 I look forward to your continued support

 ⚫ Friday, August 22nd
 The doctors came around the hospital room this morning
 It is said that there have been cases where the mouth cannot be opened even with three fingers.
 I tried it after the doctors left and my mouth couldn’t open at all… My head hurts with three fingers and it hurts so much that my chin is about to come off…
 The effects of the brain also affect the opening of the mouth…
 Once again, the heart and brain are essential, important and important parts of humans
 It seems that it has not yet been determined how such an important brain caused the tumor to form, but if it can be prevented, everyone would want to do so!
 I’m fighting against illness, and I have to keep taking medicines forever, so the battle will surely last until I die, but I’ve overcome this major surgery, so I feel like I’m fine now.
 Before the lights go off, I took a shower and went to the futon to drink some painkillers… I woke up before 1am, then before 3am I recently woke up this pattern, and then I faced the resurrected headache again and went to the morning without sleep…
 The electricity was then turned on at 6am and breakfast was brought at 7am.
 The day begins
 I wonder how this hospital life, which is far too regular, will return to its original state…

 ⚫Saturday, August 23rd
 I woke up early in the morning, I felt a headache
 Restlessly, I left the room and stared at the Asahi in my day room, then grabbed some coins to the 7-Eleven on the first floor.
 I don’t really want anything, I can’t stay still with a headache…
 In the end, I bought some rice crackers and went back to my room.
 On the way, I cheerfully greet the cleaning lady who has a son who is one grader, one of my seniors, and I’m cheerfully greeted her!
 The old lady who became friends since she first started hospital and smiled after the surgery
 When I told him I was discharged from the hospital tomorrow, I told him to do my best.
 The smile and cheerful personality of the old lady who has always cheered her on!
 The nurses at this hospital, everyone who was in the rehab, the cleaning lady, the old man at the entrance, the doctors, and the young doctors were all warm and really saved me.
 I’ve been waiting for tomorrow to be released from hospital…
 I don’t want to have surgery again
 Everyone at the hospital that saved my life, everyone who gave me their voices, everyone from all over the world
 I was able to connect one step
 Thank you so much

 Due to the effects of illness and craniotomy surgery
 It is prohibited to do various things quickly
 I can’t move in a hurry, and I have to move slowly, so I might feel uncomfortable.
 Even if it’s late, I’ll move on one step at a time
 I look forward to your continued support

 I’ll continue to lose, I’ll live

 Let’s all live a warm life. Please cherish it

 ⚫Sunday, August 24th
 Last night, I woke up many times from midnight to 2am to 4am, and on the morning of the day of discharge from the hospital
 I’ve already packed my bags and can always leave the hospital.
 Dr. Asa looks into his face and hears how he deals with future illnesses, the type of illness, and the possibility of surgery again within 10 years…
 It seems to be awakening technique where you perform surgery while awake…
 It’s kind of scary, but I’m sure I’ll experience a lot of things over the years that I’m going to date, but I hope to continue building a future where I want to live again one step at a time…
 I’ll say hello to the doctors and nurses.
 The outside air I felt the moment I left the hospital, and the sunlight, the air that was not for granted, the sunlight, and the heat I had been waiting for so long.
 It was the moment when I felt it felt good
 From hospitalization to catheter surgery, and a major surgery that lasted nearly 12 hours, and days of rehabilitation after surgery
 This summer, which has been hospitalized for approximately three weeks, has led to life in the future
 An unknown experience that you don’t know what will happen
 So I was scared, what happens after it’s over, are you aware or feeling, can you make a sound, can you see the eyes?
 Various fears or brain surgery right there
 Major surgery involved in many people
 Thank you so much for keeping my life alive!!
 I will cherish this life…
 from now on

 I’ll live
 live.

 After returning home, I fought the same illness and went to a shrine for a friend who passed away when I was in the third year of junior high school.
 To report…

 I’ll report that I’ve had a revenge…
 I still have to fight this disease for years to come
 I hope they will continue to watch over me, saying “I won’t lose” in the future.
 I want them to continue fighting together…
 And thank you for overcoming a big step
 “Thank you”…

 The warm voices of everyone, the voices of children, the voices of seniors and junior classmates whom I met from vocational schools, and the voices of my friends
 A step that was supported by everyone and overcome

 This will never happen again in your lifetime
 Thank you so much for the big step that led to us being connected.

 The life that was connected
 I will walk carefully and live my life

 ⚫New Monday, August 25th
 The day after I left the hospital, I took the letter and data I had received from my doctor and took the train to the clinic where I had my first MRI scan, and headed for the morning.
 My body and senses haven’t returned to full yet
 I was almost drunk by someone, but I headed over with a strange feeling that my body still couldn’t get used to the vehicle.

 The sound of green cicadas outside, the sounds, scenery, and air that I felt for the first time in a while have yet to return to the body, head, and sensation after craniotomy surgery

 Perhaps because of the 12-hour period of surgery, anesthesia and artificial respirators, everything hasn’t returned to normal yet.

 There are some parts where the sensation does not return, and there are no convulsions or paralysis, but the outside world is filled with the feeling that you are not the perfect original self.

 The world in front of me changes rapidly, and the scenery feels strange, and various things feel like it’s at a different speed than before.

 I still have to gradually get closer to my body, head and senses
 You should not go to the crowds immediately, or you should be careful about the vehicles.
 Driving a car or driving a bicycle is prohibited

 We must gradually get used to our body, sensations and brains into our daily lives, and step by step to regaining our daily lives…

 So, it may continue to have difficult situations like before, such as exchanging voices.
 I will face myself, my brain, my body, and I will live my life for a while, so

 You may feel uncomfortable in a variety of situations

 A sensation unique to brain disease
 I am currently facing my current self, so I hope you understand.

 However, I also had to pay for surgery, so I have to work again soon…
 Please be slower than ever

 I will create a wind again, so
 I’m happy to be able to feel the creation wind of fighting with my new brain

 Please continue to feel the wind in the world that creates living with your new senses…

⚫Two days after discharge from the hospital on Tuesday, August 26th
 Today was a day when I tried to work hard to put together my own rehabilitation and a step towards everyday life.
 Originally, I was planning to fly to Thailand on a plane from tomorrow and do a live performance on the Japan Expo stage…
 The members who really wanted to go to and those who were exhausted from their performance…Even if they can’t, I’d like to see WORLDORDER’s performance as a customer, but I’m sure they’ll be filled with frustrating feelings like the live performance of the Achilles tendon…
 The WORLDORDER from the sleeves at the time was cool…
 I have to gradually return to my daily life, return to society, and live with my new brain, so I don’t panic and I will continue to weave the future step by step.
 Please keep an eye on Taka’s performance, Orange Planet, and WORLDORDER…
 There’s always a new me there…

 Various differences in sensation due to brain diseases must support a new self with your current brain.
 I look at myself, face myself, live my life.

 We will connect and deliver a gentle breeze

 Please keep an eye on me in the long run and continue to support me…

 Thank you so much for now
 I look forward to your continued support
 Thank you for always

 Let’s live.

I won’t hurry at my own pace for a while, and I’ll be updating slowly, but I’ll post my blog when I can update, so please wait a while until I resume my member blog…

 ACT “Taka” and ART
  Thank you for your support from “Taka” Orange Planet!

Akihiro Takahashi
⚫お返事φ(゜0゜⚫)ノただいま
沢山の暖かなお声、お気持ち、お手紙、そして届けてくださったお守り本当に皆さんの存在が心強く、僕を勇気づけ生かしてくれました本当に本当にありがとうございました。これからもこれまでよりはペースや速度が遅くはなってしまうかもですが、ありがとうの気持ちと、優しい風を紡ぎ繋ぎ贈り創り続けます……本当に大切な皆さん、ありがとうございました。僕の人生に存在してくれてありがとうございます。ありがとうございました。これからもよろしくお願いします。。。。。。。

きなこさん
ただいま
きなこさん心強いお声ありがとうございました
うん。大丈夫大丈夫。また赤福を食べるために戻って参りました!新しい自分の脳で味わう赤福はどんだけ美味しいんだろう(笑)
あの味をまた新しい自分の脳と感覚で感じたいたいです。
まだ社会復帰までは暫く時間がかかりますが一歩一歩大切に未来を紡いで生きます

リトープスさん
本当に日本じゅうのみなさんそして世界じゅうのみなさんからあたたかな声を気持ちをいただきました
またみなさんに逢いたいそんな一心で手術を乗り越えました。
これからまた僕はみなさんに風を贈ります
もう何にも負けない新しい自分でみなさんに逢える日をまた楽しみにして生きて参ります
待っててくださり本当にありがとうございます
ただいま

MioMioさん
おはようございますこんにちはこんばんは
ただいま12時間の開頭手術を乗り越え帰りました
色々な感覚がこ
れまでよりも鋭く繊細になっているように感じます
身体も感覚も脳も新しく生まれかわったような目に写るものも経験する感覚も新鮮な今
新らしい自分で感じる感覚をこれからも大切に生きて参ります。
プリンアラモード0歳の脳で是非味わいに行きたいと思います!!

信乃さん
どうなるかわからない不安と未知との戦いでしたが､何とかこうして元の感覚も残したまま麻痺などの後遺症を残す事無く素晴らしい先生方そして看護師の皆様､関わったすべての方々に助けていただく事が出来ました
本当に脳と脳の間を縫うような奇跡のような手術を成功させてくださった皆様と支えてくださった世界中の皆様に感謝しかありません
本当にありがとうございました
生きていて良かったです
また信乃さんにお会いしこちらこそただいまと言える日を楽しみに紡いで行こうと創っていこうと思います。ただいま
これからもよろしくお願いします!!

ふみんちさん
ただいま僕もおじいさんになるまで生きたいです。今回の病気は一生付き合い向き合い続けなけれならない病気ですが､俺負けないのでおじじになっても戦い続け勝ち続けます
だから見守っていてください
これからもよろしくお願いします
パワーありがとうございました!!
今度は僕がパワーを風を贈りますね……

hitomiさん
おまちくださりありがとうございました！ただいま！
クジラの絵と共に息子さんと共に、帰りを待ってくださりここりょりありがとうございました！
ちゃんとパワー受け取りました。
また新しい僕から優しい風を届けられるように、命を繋ぎ生き続け、風を送り続けます。
どうかこれからも優しい風を感じていてください
ありがとうございました！

ヒデさん
ただいま!!WORLDORDER文化祭カウントダウンライブ懐かしいですね!一緒にジャンプしましたね(笑)
またこれから先もそんな機会があると思いますので
すぐに復活は難しい現状ですが必ず戻りますのでまた目と鼻の先でブルーバウンダリーと飛び散る汗を感じてください!
お声届けてくださりありがとうございます!
またお会いしましょう!!

コジコジさん
力強いき生きろしっかり心にも脳にもいただきました!!お陰さまで人工呼吸機の世界から戻れました生きれました
新しい感覚との戦いと慣れていかねばですが
これからも新しい自分と向き合いしっかり生きて参りますので､またばったりどこかでお会いしたら声をかけてください!!
生きたぞぉぉぉっっっっ!これからも浜の平和を守りながらあたたかく生きてください
僕もあたたかく生き続けます
よろしくお願いします!!!!!