郷愁 : 久々に感じる景色や空気·光りに現実の感覚を思い出す……
Nostalgia : The light and air were reminiscent of my past reality.
こんばんは､こんにちは､おはようございます
今週も気づけば週の折り返しの水曜日
昨年退院後の9月から､一日が一週間が一ヶ月があっという間に過ぎ去っていくように感じる日々の中
小さなあたたかさを感じ見つける一瞬一瞬
久々の場所､あたりまえに過ぎ行く道中の景色も空気も風も感覚も不思議な感覚を憶え
側頭葉てんかんの症状が出る時のように
まるでそのセピア色の世界に感覚に入り込んだ
ように
その世界が当たり前になったようにその症状の世界で今生きているような光を感じる事があります
てんかんになっている訳ではなく
そんな感覚が懐かしくその時感じていた目の前で起こるデジャヴ感が今現実世界で繰り広げられている､日常が非日常のように
デジャヴ感と不思議な香りを感じていたものが
今はデジャヴ感の側から現実世界を見つめているような
現実感の無い今を当たり前じゃない今を凄く感じ生きる日々
朝目覚めると小さなサボテンに寒いだろうと、ぬるい水を浴びさせ
小銭をポケットに神社へ､手水舎の竜神様の足元に賽銭を起き水浴びをさせ祈り
狛犬様の足元にお賽銭を起き足元に触れ祈り
本殿に祈り
午後になれば弟の元へ､その間は出来ることをめいいっぱいやり
帰ってからも出来ることをめいいっぱい
夜ご飯を食べると薬のせいか気を失ったように眠り
早朝に目が覚めるとまた同じだけど当たり前じゃない今日が始まり
現実感の無い今を馬のように駆け抜ける日々
限られた時間をめいいっぱい生きまた新しい今日が始まる……
今がデジャヴの世界での現実じゃない現実だったら良いのにと思い祈り､でも思いながらも精一杯今を見つめ感じ生きる日々
退院時購入した小さなサボテン達は雨の日も風の日も空を見上げ元気に生きています
夏入院前に実家の外の通路にうずくまっていたセミを鉢植えの小さな緑の世界に逃がしてあげ
たのを思い出し
昨日久々に覗いてみると､年を越してもまだあの時のセミのまま鉢植えの中でうずくまり次の夏を待っていました……
冷たい風と共に川沿いに戻ったカモメ達も
日曜日の夕暮れの川沿いも水門も
あきちゃんと呼ぶ子供達の声も
変なグミやあめ玉をくれる子供達も
一生懸命踊る子供達も
その全てが当たり前じゃなく愛おしく感じる世界
今回の発表会では僕のクラスの子供達が発表会のハナを勤めます
今回僕のクラスの子供達男子3人女子3人計6人で踊るのですが
ダンスの前にピュアな子供達の声でお芝居
台詞から始まる芝居仕立ての……
まるで恋の第三次世界大戦の時のオープニングの様に芝居から始まるダンスそして発表会
タイトルは【風の旅人】
天使のような子供達の姿､声に会場にはあたたかく優しい風が吹くことと思います……
そんな子供達の姿に愛くるしさと同時に
ご両親やおじいちゃんおばあちゃん達ご家族は
愛くるしさと同時に郷愁を感じるのでは……
そして弟にも､家族にも世界中のあたたかく生きる人たちの心に
天使達の想いが届けば良いな
そんな【風の旅人】
31日の本番が楽しみです……
僕も脳みそと向き合い頑張ります……
残りの今週も当たり前になっている世界に
小さな宝物を見つけ生きましょう
今も数秒後も明日も明後日も今週も最後まで
心あたたかな日々時間でありますように
いつも一生懸命生きるみなさんの心を
優しい風がそっと包んでくれますように……
今週もありがとうございました……
残りの今週も当たり前じゃないメンバーの声を
感じてください……
ほなまた来週も四露死苦……
何でやねん!
よろしくお願いします……
それじゃあまた数日後の未来で……
生きよう｡
髙橋 昭博
Nostalgia : The light and air were reminiscent of my past reality.
Good evening, hello, good morning
Before you know it, it’s Wednesday again this week
Since September last year after I was discharged from the hospital, I have been feeling like each day and month have gone by in the blink of an eye.
Every moment I feel and find a small warmth
I remember a place I haven’t seen in a long time, and the scenery, the air, the wind, and the sensations along the way, all of which seem strange.
Like when symptoms of temporal lobe epilepsy appear.
It was as if I had entered that sepia-toned world.
Like
Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a world of symptoms, as if that world has become commonplace.
It’s not that I have epilepsy.
I feel nostalgic for that feeling, and the sense of deja vu that I felt at that time is now unfolding in the real world, as if everyday life is extraordinary.
Something that gave me a sense of déjà vu and a strange scent.
Right now, it’s like I’m looking at the real world from a sense of déjà vu.
Every day I live my life with a great sense of the present, which has no sense of reality, and which is no longer taken for granted.
When I woke up in the morning, I bathed the small cactus in lukewarm water, thinking it would be cold.
I went to the shrine with coins in my pocket, made an offering at the feet of the Ryujin at the chozuya, and prayed while bathing.
Make an offering at the guardian dog’s feet and touch its feet to pray.
Pray to the main shrine
In the afternoon, I went to my younger brother, and during that time I did as much as I could.
I will do everything I can even after returning home.
When I ate dinner, I fell asleep as if I had fainted, perhaps because of the medicine.
When I wake up early in the morning, it’s the same thing again, but today has begun and it’s nothing to take for granted.
Days running like a horse through the unrealistic present
Live your limited time to the fullest and start a new day again…
I pray and wish that this moment was real and not the reality of a world of déjà vu, but even as I do so, I spend my days staring at the present with all my might and feeling it.
The small cacti I bought when I was discharged from the hospital look up at the sky and live happily even on rainy and windy days.
Before I was hospitalized for the summer, I helped a cicada that was crouching in the walkway outside my parents’ house escape into a small green world of potted plants.
I remember that
Yesterday, when I took a look at it for the first time in a while, I found that it was still a cicada, crouched in a potted plant, waiting for next summer…
The seagulls returned to the riverside with the cold wind.
Along the river and at the water gates at dusk on Sunday
The voices of children calling me Aki-chan
Some kids give me strange gummies and candy balls.
Children dancing hard
A world where everything is not taken for granted but feels endearing
At this recital, the children in my class will be acting as participants for the recital.
This time, there will be 6 children in my class, 3 boys and 3 girls.
A play with pure children’s voices before the dance
A play style that starts with the lines…
The dance and recital started with a play, just like the opening of the third world war of love.
The title is [Wind Traveler]
I think the angel-like figures and voices of the children will bring a warm and gentle breeze to the venue…
At the same time, I feel endearing to see such children.
Your parents, grandparents, and family
I feel nostalgic and adorable at the same time…
And to my brother, my family, and the hearts of warm people all over the world.
I hope the angels’ feelings reach you
Such a [wind traveler]
I’m looking forward to the performance on the 31st…
I will also do my best to face my brain…
In a world where the rest of this week is also commonplace.
Let’s find small treasures and live our lives
Now, in a few seconds, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, this week, until the end
I hope you have a warm day every day
The hearts of everyone who always lives hard
May the gentle wind gently envelop you…
Thank you again this week…
For the rest of this week, we will hear the voices of the members that are not taken for granted.
Please feel it…
Hona, next week is also a four-death struggle…
Why?
Thank you in advance…
Well then, see you in the future in a few days…
Let’s live.
Akihiro Takahashi
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